A Most Unusual DateBy D.T.

As Jeannine's gigantic mouth loomed over me, and her humid, fragrant breathwashed over me, and her slick, mattress-sized tongue hungrily caressed hercrimson lips, I started to think about what an unusual direction ourrelationship was going.

It had all started out pretty normally. We met in Safeway, oddly enough. Peoplealways told me the one up on Wisconsin Avenue was somewhat of a pickup place,but I'd never picked up anything more than a box of Cheerios there. So you canimagine my surprise when I met Jeannine. I was cheerfully picking out my grannysmiths when she came up out of nowhere.

'You know, you shouldn't be in the produce section like this,' she said, in oneof those breathy, sensuous voice that I'd thought only existed in movies but, asI just learned, sometimes happened in the real world. She had black, wavy hairand these blue-green eyes that just tugged at me. I fought the temptation toglance down at her breasts which, I would later find out, were those nice, perkykind that are not too big, not too small, you know? Don't mean to go on aboutthem like this but, well, I'll say it. I'm a breast man. Not that I don't go forall those other things like personality and brains and all - I mean, I am a 90'skinda sensitive kinda liberal guy but - anyway...

'Um.. why not?' I asked.

'Well, a prime piece of meat like you should be in the meat department, ofcourse...'When my heart resumed beating after a few seconds, I asked, 'Is that your usualopening line, or was this the first time?''First time.' she said, 'thought I'd give it a shot. What'd you think?' sheasked, with one of those sorta-pouty, devilishly innocent, painfully alluringlooks on her face. The kind that could only come from years of theatricaltraining. Damn, she was good at this, I thought.

'Not bad.' I said. 'Bonus points for creativity. And nerve. I certainlywouldn't...' I stopped that line of talking and switched into woman-meetingmode. 'Mark,' I said, in my suavest and most debonair voice possible.

'Jeannine,' she said, extending her hand.

And so we met. We conversed. She was an aspiring actress. I'd never haveguessed, I thought to myself sarcastically. I told her all about my excitinglife as a freelance writer. Long story short - we hit it off, numbers wereexchanged, and on Friday night I was knocking on the door of her UpperGeorgetown row house to take her out to dinner.

After dinner, we headed back to her place. I was pretty surprised when sheinvited me in. Things were going well, but not that well, I thought. Cool. Imust have my mojo working, I thought. In the midst of coffee and late-night TV,one thing led to another and we were in bed. I won't go into details here, forbrevity's sake, but it was nice. We cuddled for a while. She kept licking me aswe cuddled and chatted. I can deal with dating a licker, I thought.

Soon after, I fell into one of the most restful sleeps I'd had in ages. I wokevery slowly the next morning, reaching for the covers. It had gotten kind ofchilly during the night. The sheet I was lying on felt sort of rough.

'Mark, are you up?' Jeannine asked, in a startlingly loud whisper.

'Mmmphfo' I rmumbled. Leave me alone. I wanna sleep, I thought.

'Mark, I'm going to ask you to not be too startled by what you're about to see.'she boomed. Something strange was going on, I suspected. Something very strangeis going on, I thought. I wonder what is going on here, I thought. Perhaps Ishould open my eyes and try not to be too startled by what I'm about to see, Ithought.

What I saw was a face the size of a small house. I yelped and sort of scurriedback towards the pillow which was about the size of a small apartment building.

I had to be, what, an inch, two inches tall. Before I could say anything, thegiant face, which I began to recognize as Jeannine's face, though a very largeversion of Jeannine's face, spoke again.

'Please try not to say anthing right now, because all you'll be able to say is abunch of meaningless, unintelligible syllables.''Bff.. whu... gr... ch.. ch.. fss?' I asked. What do you know? She was right.

'Try not to be mad. I sort of put a little spell on you during the night thatshrunk you down to an inch and a half.''Um... why?' I finally mustered up the courage to say.

'Just for kicks,' she said in a wonderfully nonchalant way that would've beenextremely sexy if I weren't hiding from a under her shopping-mall-sized pillow(Okay, maybe it wasn't that big, but at the time, accurate metaphors weren't mytop priority. 'Would it help if I told you how cute you were like this?''Well,' I said, crawling out from under the pillow a bit. I was feeling a littlebit more secure. '... you can try it.''Okay,' she said, lifting up the pillow and bringing her face in close to me.

'You're SO cute, I could just eat you up.' I didn't stick around to see hersmack her lips and make purring, yummy noises at me, but I heard them loud andclear behind me as I ran. After a mad 100-yard dash across the bed, I was stillpretty much within her arm's reach. I saw my escape routes being cut off by onehand, then the other, then her chest and her arms until finally I was surroundedby ... Jeannine.

I turned to face her as she glared down at me. 'Trying to run, eh? That's goingto cost you. Dearly...' she said, very dramatically. I gulped in fear as sheglared down at me and licked her lips...

This is the point where I had started this story, if you remember. Before I wentoff on that long flashback with all that plot and character development andother nonsense. Those of you who only want to see the real hard-core GTS-typestuff can stop skimming and start reading again.

'Hey, Jeannine, um, you're not really gonna, you know... eat me, are you?' Isaid.

She responded to this with a giggle. I felt her fingers wrap themselves aroundme.

'I mean, you wouldn't... You... hey!' I said as she lifted me up to eye level.

She stared for a moment, and then brought me to her mouth. Her soft lips pressedagainst my face and chest as she kissed me, gently holding me between twofingers and her thumb.

I struggled mildly as her lips nibbled at me, and she then began to press thetip of her tongue to me, rubbing it around my neck and chest, down my legs, tomy crotch, and back into her mouth. She smiled, savoring the taste of me, andswallowed lightly. Admittedly, I was getting kind of warm, but I was also prettydamn scared. And babbling incoherently.

'Cause, you know, that would ... and I'd, um.. the.. with, and.' I said.

She parted her lips and this time attacked me with her tongue, rubbing itagainst me, up and down. She coated my body with her sticky saliva, and plantedkisses all over me with lips as big as my legs. I felt her front teeth lightlypinch at me a few times, and her breathing get more intense. It was at thispoint that I decided babbling was much less enjoyable than what she was doingnow, and shut up.

Then, with a slow, soft kiss on my entire face, she stopped. 'That's what youget for trying to run.' she said.

'Well,' I said. 'I should try and run more often.'She smiled and kissed me again, ending it with another giant lick up my entireupper body.

'You know,' I said, with a sigh of relief, 'I really thought you were going toeat me, for a second there.'She grinned a grin that I didn't like the looks of and laughed a large, openmouthed laugh that I really didn't like the looks of. 'Oh, I'm still going toeat you.' she said, smiling broadly, 'I just like playing with my food first.'She then resumed licking and kissing me, laughing and giggling the whole time.

I was a little scared at that point. But it was just so damn cute the way shesaid it. Somehow, the concept didn't seem all that bad. Sounded kinda fun, andshe wasn't making it easy for me to concentrate, what with the kissing andnibbling and all. There was one nagging thing that kept bothering me though. Itwas... oh, yeah. The bit about slowly and painfully digesting in her stomach.

That kinda put a damper on things.

'Jeannine!' I shouted. She was sucking my legs into her mouth and nibbling onthem. Damn, that felt good. I didn't want this to go much farther, though...

'JEANNINE!'She heard me this time, and slowly pulled me out. 'Something wrong?' she purred.

'You're not REALLY going to... you know... eat me, are you? I mean, you're justkidding around, right?''What's the matter, sweetie? You scared?''Well, yeah!''Listen... Don't be afraid. I'm not going to hurt you.''Uh-huh...''But I am going to eat you' she said, and began nibbling on my feet.

'But.. why?''Just for fun.. and cause you're sooo tasty.' She was up to my thighs.

'Look, Jeannine, I don't want to die! Please.... I' She was pretty much ignoringmy pleas, inching her way up my body. Since I was only an inch-and-a-half tall,it didn't take long before I was up to my armpits in her mouth, staring up hersmooth cheek. She was staring back at me, and could see how freaked I was.

Finally, she pulled me out.

'Listen, Mark. Everything's going to be okay. I'm not going to hurt you... It'llbe fun, you'll see. You just have to trust me,' she cooed. She smiled that damncute smile again.

I wasn't too reassured, but the point was pretty much moot as her face descendedon me and I saw her giant pink mouth envelop me. It grew dark as I felt herteeth grip me around the waist and the floor drop away. I flailed my legs andyelled as her tongue came up under me and pulled me in the rest of the way. Iheard a dull thud as her teeth closed around me, and I lay there, clutching hertongue. It was warm and wet, and I could feel and hear her pulse all around me.

All was quiet for a few seconds as she held me there, lightly squeezing meagainst the roof of her mouth. This isn't too bad, I thought.

As if on cue, she chose that moment to start chewing.

I was pretty disoriented as her tongue pushed me around in her mouth. I felt herteeth clamping on my arms and legs, very gingerly kneading the muscles, but nothard enough to be painful. I realized how easily she could kill me if she wantedto, but, thankfully, she didn't seem to want to.

Her mouth was starting to flood with saliva, and she was making mmming noiseswhich were almost deafening, but made her whole mouth vibrate hypnotically. Shewas rubbing her tongue against my body very passionately and - well, I won't getinto details, but just consider the lemon very well-squeezed. I was getting veryinto this entirely new sexual experience when I felt a rush of cold air as sheopened her mouth and pulled me out.

'Anyone ever tell you how tasty you are?''You did, about ten minutes ago.''Oh, yeah. Well, I just wanted to let you know before I swallowed you.' Sherolled over on her back, opened her mouth wide, and held me above it, slowlylowering me in. I was too exhausted to even fight as I passed by those softlips, and her huge teeth and came to rest on that huge, rough tongue. I tried toget a grip on it, but it was too slick. I looked up in time to see her lips sealshut a few feet above me, and then felt her tongue push me aginst the roof ofher mouth. She squeezed and squeezed on me, and her saliva pour over me intorrents now. My ears popped from the change in pressure as she sucked on myentire body like a lollipop. Finally, she worked me to the back of her mouth andgulped.

I was pulled into a narrow, slippery tube that collapsed behind me, pushing meall the way to her stomach. The tube ended and I felt myself falling, thenrolling down a wet, bumpy hill and splashing into a warm, frothy puddle. I knewthat all around me was acid, but it didn't burn. How is this possible, Ithought. I didn't have much time to think about it before blacking out. It waswhen I woke up that the really strange stuff started happening but - I'll savethat for the sequel.

Part IIWhen we last left our hero, he had just been swallowed alive by a nice younglady he'd met at Safeway and turned out to have magic powers and an appetite for1 1/2 inch tall guys.

How is Mark going to get out of this sticky situation?Is this the end for our hero?Am I going to stop this cheesy Batman rip-off any time soon?Well, yes. Right now, in fact. Anyway, where was I? Oh,yeah. Jeannine just ateme and I was in her stomach.

So, there I was, in total darkness in this really humid cavern. The walls wereslick and wet, and sorta rough an bumpy. Every time Jeannine moved anywhere,everything in the room was tossed around. Her heartbeat was echoing off thewalls around me, and the huge pool in the middle of the room was bubbling andchurning pretty frantically. The nice thing was that the acid didn't seem to behaving any effect on me, so as long as I didn't run out of air, I'd be okay.

It was right around when I was thinking this that I felt a small puff of freshair come from somewhere above me and I heard water splashing somewhere in frontof me. The distinct smell of coffee lingered in the air. At least it was goodcoffee, Starbucks, I think. That made it almost bearable.

Things were starting to get very surreal, and the blackness of the room seemedto spin around me. I swirled my way into unconsciousness. I don't reallyremember what I dreamed about, but it was very psychedelic. And I remember thislong tunnel and a light at the end of it. Wow, I thought. So this is death. Islowly floated down the tunnel and emerged into the light.

Around me were very blurry images. The images started to become more distinct.

In front of me were what I imagined to be the pearly gates. When they becameclearer, I wondered why the gates of Heaven looked like gigantic breasts.

'Mark!' said the breasts. 'Are you awake?' I soon came to realize that it wasnot the breasts themselves, but the owner of the breasts who was talking to me.

And they were Jeannene's.

'Mark!' she said again, nudging me with a huge finger. I finally woke up,realizing that I wasn't dead, after all. I was still an inch and a half tall,but I was alive. One out of two ain't bad.

'Mark, please say something... Mark?'A number of things crossed my mind that I could say. Such as 'what the hell wasthat about, you crazy man-eating maniac?' or 'you scared the shit out of me, youinsane witch, don't ever do that again.' But she was smiling that damn cutesmile again. So all I could manage to say was 'hi.' Close enough, I guess.

'Are you okay?' she asked.

'Fine, I guess.' I sat up, moving my arms and legs. All still working okay.

She picked me up and rolled onto her side. I looked down at her legs, severalhundred feet away. Damn, she was huge. She brought me to her lips for a longkiss on my chest and face. 'So, was it good for you?' she grinned.

'It was... interesting.' It was kind of fun, except for the bits where I thoughtI was going to die. 'Kinda scary, but interesting.'She kissed me again. 'I hope I didn't scare you too much. I'd never do anythingto hurt you , Mark. You need a hug?'I nodded yes, and she pressed me to her lovely breast. This I could get used to.

'That better?' she asked.

'Much.' I responded. I was pushed deep into the soft cushion, and she lightlyrubbed me against the smooth skin. She then slid me into her cleavage, which wasimpressive when I was normal-sized. Now, however, it was a pretty overwhelmingchasm as I was surrounded above and below by globes of flesh. This wasn't bad atall. A bit hard to breathe, though, and I wriggled forward until I could poke myhead out from between Jeannine's breasts.

'Having fun in there?' she asked. Yes, I nodded. She lightly squeezed herbreasts together, giggling as I squirmed around. She pulled me out and broughtme back up to her face for another kiss. She was giving that smile again. I wasgetting aroused again. Guess I'm just a sucker for a pretty face. Even one thesize of a Greyhound Bus.

She kissed me lightly on the face and shoulders, and I stroked her beautifulpink lips with my hands. She smiled, revealing her gigantic teeth. The teethparted and she teased me with her soft tongue. After a little while she put medown on the bed and rolled onto her stomach. Watching her giant breasts settlewonderfully onto the mattress, I was distracted long enough not to notice herface descending on me from above.

I tried to defend myself as she attacked me, nipping and pinching me with herteeth and lips, but it was useless to resist. I felt her nibbles getting biggerand bigger until finally she had me all the way in her mouth. Her tongue easilypushed me between her teeth and she chewed, lightly but vigorously. I could feelthe room quickly lurch over as she picked her head up. She opened up her mouthand I rolled onto her tongue as light washed into the room.

It was so nice and warm. There was not enugh room to stand, so I sat up on hergreyish-pink tongue and looked around. Her mouth was still wide open, and Icould see the wall of the bedroom framed between her teeth and lips. The roof ofher mouth shone a deep red, and looking up overhead I could see the cave getdarker and darker as it neared her throat.

My feet dangled in pools of saliva in between her tongue and her jaw. The entiremoment was just too surreal. She slowly closed her mouth, and cradled me in hertongue. It was like a hot, wet, moving easychair. Quite relaxing, too, Ithought, as her jaws clamped shut, sealing me in darkness. For a long while,nothing moved. I could feel her rubbing me gently with her tongue, and shelifted me to the roof of her mouth and began sucking on me. I was getting moreand more aroused as she rolled me onto my stomach and started rubbing me up anddown with her tongue.

I could hear her beathing getting louder, and her tongue was squeezing me harderand harder. I grabbed hold of her tongue to try and steady myself, but thisseemed to only excite her more. I was now drenched in saliva, which wassplashing all around me, and making it tough to get a grip on anything. She quitsucking on my body and began pushing me all over her mouth. I felt teeth andtongue all around me, but was by now completely disoriented. I came just as shepushed me up to the roof of her mouth and gulped. For the second time that day,the room collapsed around me and I felt the powerful suction pull me in.

Only this time I didn't go down the hatch. At the last second, she pushed me tothe front of her mouth and held me there as the swallow moved down her throat.

She let out a tiny, cartoonlike burp, as if to drive home the point that thatwas very nearly me down there. I gasped for breath as everything grew eerilycalm. I could hear her pulse grow slower and quieter around me as she gentlyshifted me around. Binding light stabbed my eyes as she opened her mouth to letme out.

Leaning out over her teeth, I looked around. She was now sitting up on the bed,and it was a long way down. It looked like a good ten feet just to her breasts,and another twenty feet to her legs, which were a good fifteen feet highthemselves. All in all, almost a fifty foot drop, I thought, as vertigo set in.

'Hey, a little help here?' I shouted, hoping she'd put out a hand for me to jumpto.

'Okay' she said, sliding her tongue under me and pushing me out. Not the kind ofhelp I was looking for. I tried to grab something, but my wet hands couldn'tgrip anything. I tumbled out down her chin and landed on her left breast. Thisproved impossible to grab onto as I slid down. I made one last desperate attemptto grip something, anything, before I rolled off the front of her breast andfell onto the hand that darted out to catch me.

She dried me off and finally restored me to my normal size. Fun as it was to bebite-sized, it felt good to be normal again. By now I was full of questions, andas we got dressed, I asked away.

She was, as she explained to me, endowed with powers that had been passed downfrom generation to generation in her family. Although I didn't really believe inmagic, the events of this day were causing me to rethink my views on thesubject.

'Magic is just a nice way of explaining something we can't understand yet,' sheexplained as she sat behind me, gently rubbing my back. 'It's only magic untilyou find out that the magician had the card in his pocket all the time. Then yourealize it's just a trick.''So what's the trick to shrinking people?' I asked.

'I don't really understand it, to be honest,' she said. 'One thing I dounderstand is that the mind is a very powerful thing. And reality only exists asour senses perceive it to exist. If all of the senses can be tricked, realitywill soon follow.' She continued kneading my shoulders and spoke, almostwhispering:'There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio/      than are dreamt of in your philosophy.''I don't know,' I said, after a long pause. 'I just don't buy it.' It was alltoo real to be just some trick of the mind.

'You already bought it,' she said. I pondered this for a while. 'Look, Mark, Istill don't understand it all myself. My grandmother used to try to explain itall to me. I didn't get it then and I have just the slightest notion of it now.'She put her chin on my shoulder and kissed the nape of my neck. 'But I do knowthat it can be fun.' We both stood up and stared at each other for a while. Mymind was swimming with exhaustion, curiosity, and Hamlet. And also somethingelse I hadn't felt with any woman I'd dated in a long time. It felt like... nah.

Too soon for that, I thought.

'Well,' I said, after what felt like an appropriate pause, 'would you like totry and, um, experiment with this power again soon? Maybe if you're not busynext weekend?' I asked. She responded with an extremely passionate kiss.

'Mmmm,' she said, smacking her lips. 'I don't know if I can wait that long. Howabout dinner at my place Monday?''Sounds good, ' I said, 'What are you having?'She smiled the smile again. 'You need to even ask?' she said.