ShrinkingReally SmallBy: GoldenbaneMark Rummaged through the refrigerator looking desperately for something to eat.
â€œLet's see...protein bar, no. Slimfast milkshakes, no. Tofu yum yumtreats....HELL no! Geez, doesn't that woman eat anything that tastes evenremotely good??â€ he growled. The woman he was thinking about was his roommate,Julie. He'd been introduced to her a few weeks ago by his goofy cousin. They hitit off rather well, but he could never get along with her bestest friend in thewhole world...Kelly.
Kelly was a chemist, a genius in her field, which was that of weight losslotions and formulas for women. She and Mark would bitch, moan, and complain toeach other so much, that passers-by would ask Julie if they were married!Unbeknownst to Mark, Kelly had asked Julie to store her latest lotion in herrefrigerator. It was designed to take inches off the waistline!As Mark fumbled around, trying to crank up the Weird Al Yankavich music playingon his boom box, he grabbed a jar containing a strange glowing substance! (Uhoh!!) He unscrewed the lid, and guzzled down the entire thing. Within secondshis stomach began to twist...his throat started to ache and burn...he knew whathe'd drank! That's right...â€Richard's Are You Nuts or Just Plain Stupid?â€ hotsauce!â€œYEEARGH! AAAAAHHHHH! OOOOOOOHHHHH!! It's so hot, it's so hot! I'm burning up!ARGH!â€ he cried, running around the kitchen in circles, fanning his flamingmouth. He rushed back to the refrigerator and grabbed a strange box! (Don't doit Mark!) He quickly opened it and tossed the stuff it held, into his mouth. Hewanted to puke...it was the dead flies he had caught for his pet tarantula,Fuzzy! Once more he dug through the refrigerator, and pulled out another jar. Hecarefully examined it this time...it was some weirdo green slime. He figured hehad already ruined himself enough...what the hell....and quickly took a biggulp.
â€œHoly cow! This stuff is fantastic! I wonder what it is?â€ he thought to himselfrealizing the burning sensation and the icky sensation had gone away. At thatmoment Julie came stomping through the door from her job as a secretary atMattel toys. She gasped in horror as Mark finished the last gulp. â€œHey Julie! Igotta tell ya, this green crap is awesome! What's it called?â€â€œUm, â€˜Kelly's Wonder Weight loss cream', and you just drank it!!â€ she respondedrolling her eyes angrily.
â€œCool, I could stand to loose a few pounds!â€ Mark chuckled, hook shotting theempty jar into the trash can.
â€œMark, that was Kelly's only sample, other than the stuff she tried on somerats! What am I gonna tell her?â€ Julie stammered.
â€œTell her she's a bitch, and a slut, and that you don't want to be friends withher anymore.â€ Mark answered sincerely.
â€œWhy on Earth would I tell her THAT?â€â€œBecause I think she's a bitch, and a slut, and I wish you didn't want to befriends with her anymore...â€ Mark replied, plopping himself down on the reclinerin the tv room, and turning to his favorite soap opera, â€œPassions.â€ Julie sighedand followed him in and laid on the couch. Mark wasn't sure which was moreentertaining...the show, or Julie trying to kick her shoes off (which she'dforgotten to untie). Julie absolutely HATED wearing socks, except nylons (sheliked the silky feel to them) this made her feet stink very badly in her shoes,without any socks to absorb the sweat. She took good care of them though, alwaysputting on lotion, powder, and making sure her toe nails were painted perfectly.
Once she had her shoes removed, she flexed her toes happily, and giggled as Markheld his nose and scooted away from her smelly tootsies.
â€œSo what episode is this?â€ she asked sweetly.
â€œIt's the one where Ethan and Theresa battle with fate, Tabitha and her sidekickTimmy use magic to try to keep Miguel and Charity apart, TC bitches about JulianCrane, and Chad tries to find his parents.â€ Mark explained. Suddenly the roomstarted to twirl around, and he felt very dizzy. He thought he felt the reclinerexpand from under him, so he turned to Julie. â€œHey, does this chair look biggerto you?â€â€œNo, the chair looks fine.â€ she answered, watching the program intently. Markbecame felt really bad, and the room spun around faster, his clothes gotbigger...soon he was merely 5 inches in height! He gasped at his new size andcried out to Julie.
â€œI've shrank! I asked you if anything was wrong, why didn't you tell me thetruth?â€ he whined.
â€œYou asked about the recliner, you didn't say anything about yourself!â€ Juliefrowned, leaping over to the chair, and checking on her friend.
Mark pulled up his shirt, and hid his naked body from the giantess. She smiled,a bit embarrassed at his nakedness, and quickly tore at the shirt so he couldrap himself in it. Mark folded the torn piece into a make-shift toga. â€œBEHOLD,mighty Cesar in all his glory!!â€ Mark cried out, flexing his minuscule muscles.
The toga promptly fell off, causing Julie to hide her mouth as she laughedhysterically. â€œDamn toga!â€ Mark snarled, quickly pulling it up, and trying oncemore to look regal.
Before another word could be spoken, there was a loud knock at the front door.
Julie went over to open it, and Kelly burst in! The 2 women laughed at the sightof one another and hugged adoringly. They danced about in a little circle, andkissed each others cheeks like those weird foreign guys do to the President ofthe USA all the time. â€œJulie! I am so damn happy I caught you at home! Listen,don't drink any of that lotion stuff. I found out it shrinks stuff!â€â€œReally? Now you tell us?â€ Mark stated, walking over to the huge women, puttinghis hands on his hips.
â€œOh my god! What a perfect end to a perfect day! Hey Mark, did you get a newhaircut? I think they took a little too much off the top!Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!â€ the evil Kelly joked.
â€œYOU did this to me! ARGH!! I will destroy you!â€ the humiliated tiny man blurtedout, charging Kelly's sandled feet, biting and clawing.
â€œHEY HEY HEY! Watch the toes, ok? I just had them painted, and they stillrequire a few hours to dry!â€ she warned to the pissed little dude.
â€œOk, no problem!â€ Mark shouted, delivering a thunderous karate chop to the sideof Kelly's enormous foot. â€œHi yah!â€â€œOUCH! You're gonna feel that one in the morning!â€ Julie joked.
â€œYeah, but...ouch... his puny fists...oof... sure feel good...ow.... against myachy feet!â€ Kelly exclaimedThe 2 giantesses watched patiently as Mark beat the living hell out of Kelly'stoes. Finally Mark tired out and collapsed upon the floor. â€œFinished?â€ Kellyfinally asked.
â€œUgh! Y...yeah...I think so!â€ he gasped, wiping the sweat off his brow andgiving a thumbs up sign.
â€œOk, here's the deal, that green slime makes things shrink and there is nocure.â€â€œOoooh, that's bad!â€ Mark frownedâ€œBUT, it makes a great frozen yogurt!â€ Kelly continued.
â€œThat's good!â€ Mark smiled.
â€œThe frozen yogurt also makes you shrink.â€â€œThat's bad.â€â€œBUT you get your choice of toppings!â€â€œThat's good!â€â€œThe toppings contain potassium benzoate.â€ Mark frowned and cocked an eyebrow.
â€œThat's bad.â€ Kelly explained.
â€œIs there a point to all this?â€ Julie finally asked.
â€œNo, not really...hey, can we go somewhere private...you know, to talk andstuff?â€â€œSure, we can go to my bedroom. Now Mark, you stay here, ok?â€â€œUh...I don't know! I have SO many places I have to be...â€ Mark joked. Juliesmiled and lead Kelly to her room. She closed the door, as Kelly took a seat onher bed.
â€œCongratulations are in order Do you know what you've got? Mark is tiny andhelpless now...he has to rely on you for EVERYTHING! You always told me abouthow you dream of being in control and taking your life back...well, start withMark! Think of all the possibilities of having him around...wow, every womanshould have a man like Mark...eh...a man Mark's size!â€ Kelly chuckled to theexcited Julie.
Outside Mark paced back and forth. Out of the corner of his eye he saw hisspider! It must have escaped! The giant sized beast slowly stalked towards himand looked him right in the eye! Mark cried and dropped to his knees. â€œSO! Thisis how it's going to end? Food for a tarantula? Ok Fuzzy, eat me! Eat yourmaster...see if I care!â€ The creature looked at him like he was an idiot. Markrealized he wasn't about to be destroyed and carefully petted it's hairy head.
The arachnid â€œpurredâ€ affectionately. Mark smiled and breathed a sigh of relief.
â€œYou, my bulbas butted friend, shall serve as my faithful mount! I'm gonna haveto do a lot of traveling, and it'd rock to have a steed.â€ He mounted the spiderand braced himself. â€œTALLY HO, FUZZY! AWAY!!â€ The creature strutted about init's typical lazy manner, but it went where ever Mark directed it. â€œSheesh, Icould probably walk backwards faster than this! Ah well, it's better thannothing.â€The two women exited from the room, just in time to see Mark grabbing hold ofFuzzy for dear life, as the icky beast walked up the wall. â€œUh...ok....Julie,I'm going to the lab to make that...antidote now! *Wink wink*â€ Kelly laughed.
â€œYou do that, and hurry!!â€ Mark screamed, as the spider walked along theceiling. His grip began to loosen and he fell into Julie's waiting hands. Sheraised him to her face and smiled mischievously. â€œBoy....I don't like the looksof this!â€ Mark gulped. Julie reached up, and plucked his mount from the ceiling.
She carefully dropped it into it's glass house, and walked over to the coffeetable, spilling mark out of her huge hand. She took a seat on the couch andproceeded to stare him down. Mark waited for her to say something, but she justsat there. Shrugging, he stared back. They sat this way for about 15 minutes,Julie trying to make herself look tall, powerful, and intimidating, while Markwas trying to win what he thought was a blinking contest.
â€œListen up, there are a lot of things that are going to change around here!â€Julie finally said.
â€œYES! I win the staring contest!â€ Mark chuckled gleefully after Julie blinked.
Julie gazed at him, annoyed and placed her foot on the edge of the table so theball and toes hung over Mark just a bit.
â€œThere are a lot of new rules we need to go over, little man!â€ she said slowly.
â€œOk...rule 1, there are NO rules! Heh heh heh!â€ Mark giggled. Julie growled andlifted her foot a little higher on the edge, so that her sole now towered overher puny roommate.
â€œRULE number 1: You won't make stupid jokes while I'm talking! RULE number 2:I'm in charge...â€â€œYeah right! Hahahahahahahaha! I think I should be in charge...I've got thelooks..the brains..you're just the brawn!â€ Mark laughed. Julie was furious! Sheslammed her foot next to mark, to show him how much bigger it was than he.
â€œI told you to quit making damn jokes! I'm serious!! Do you think I want to beyour caretaker? You're virtual slave? I'm the victim here, not you!â€â€œYou're my slave?? Exactly what is it you do for me?â€ Mark wondered, smiling.
â€œWell...I now have to pay your half of the rent!â€â€œI paid a year in advance and it's only April, remember?â€â€œI have to cook and clean for you!â€â€œWho says? I can handle that shit myself!â€â€œI have to provide and safe environment!â€â€œYou mean you aren't gonna invite Kelly over anymore? YES!!! God, shrinking isthe best thing that's ever happened to me!â€ Mark cheered. Julie slammed herother foot onto the table, making sure that Mark was between them. She wiggledher toes and suddenly smiled at the hapless jokester.
â€œI'm going to give you a little project....you are going to be the caretaker ofmy feet! I demand that you rub them, lotion them, and powder them to myspecifications each day...or else!â€â€œI am NOT rubbing your smelly old clod-hoppers!â€ Mark said defiantly, foldinghis arms and smiling up at his giantess mistress.
â€œRub my feet, damn it or I'll squash you like the bug you are!â€â€œSo squash me like the bug I am! Who will be your little plaything then?â€â€œFINE! Don't rub my beautiful feet, see if I care? I swear you'll be sorry youdidn't do what I asked! I'm going to bed!â€ Julie cried, standing up.
â€œBut it's 3:00 in the afternoon!â€ Mark reasoned.
â€œDon't you dare try and change the subject, Mark! Goodnight!!!â€ Julie stammered,stomping off to bed. Mark frowned and shrugged. Suddenly he heard sounds...lotsof them, from all around! There were hundreds of pairs of eyes...all fixed onhim! He cocked an eyebrow, wondering what was going to happen.
The next morning, Julie came out from her room and found Mark exhausted andsleeping on the floor. She looked his tiny body over, and decided to cover himwith a blanket. She went to the mall to run some errands and ran into Kelly. Thetwo friends talked and Julie told Kelly of how â€œmeanâ€ and â€œresistantâ€ Mark hadbeen the previous day.
â€œThat little bastard! I'll teach him to show respect!â€ Kelly snarled. â€œLook,we'll finish up here and then we'll go to your house! Wait until he sees me andwhat we're going to do to him! I bet he'll never be a jackass ever again!â€ Thewomen came home, carrying a large bird cage...they gasped at what was happening!There were little vermin all around! Mice, rats, spiders, cockroaches, flies,bees, wasps, virtually everything! There was loud music playing, party lightsflashing, and all the beasts seemed to be dancing and â€œgettin' it onâ€ around oneobject of attention...Mark! Upon seeing Julie and Kelly, Mark froze from doingthe â€œrobotâ€ and quickly turned everything off. He fell to the ground, pretendingto be asleep.
â€œYOU DICK! You had a party, and you didn't invite me???â€ Julie screamed at himangrily.
â€œI didn't think you would want to hang out with my new friends!â€ Mark smiled,trying to excuse himself. Julie reached down and picked him up. â€œUgh!â€ heblurted out, before she began to shake him violently.
â€œI'm going to punish you once and for all! Whenever you disobey or just plainpiss me off, you're going into this cage, understand??â€ she yelled.
â€œI....I....I...Under...under....under....stand...stand...stand...â€ he squeakedas he was shook all about. Julie roared and tossed him in the cage, closed thedoor, and locked it. She set the cage down hard onto the coffee table and sheand Kelly started to talk about this and that. â€œSorry guys, we're busted!Party's over.â€ Mark called out to his friends. They quickly scurried away.
Mark quickly became bored in the cage and started to rattle the door. â€œLet meout, let me out!â€ he chanted, but Julie and Kelly continued to ignore him. Marklooked the door over, and then spit into his hands for better grip. He rubbedthem together, then grabbed hold of the bars of the cage and started to gruntand squeal in an attempt to bend them apart. No good. He tried to pick the lockof the door with his tiny hand, but he's was just a bit too big for that. Heshoulder bashed against the door several times, punching it, kicking it, headbutting it, etc. He even tried singing to get the girls to let him free....
â€œSilver bars! Silver bars!It's shrinking time in the city!Wunk-a-dunk!Hear them Clunk!Hopefully soon I will grow!â€It was hopeless. Mark leaned his head against the door and started to cry.
Suddenly...a creak! And another...and another! Without warning the entire wallaround the cage door came loose and fell to the ground. Mark steppedforth...FREE! He inhaled deeply, watching the amazed giantesses, and let out aprimordial cry of victory not heard since man's shrunken caveman relatives firstscreamed it to their giantess friends: â€œWhoo hoo!â€Kelly stood up and checked all around the cage. SHE couldn't even break any ofthe walls! â€œHow....why...where...when????â€ she stammered, flabbergasted at hisfeat of strength. Mark flexed his pecks and growled jokingly.
â€œYEAH BABY!â€ he laughed in his best Austin Powers voice.
â€œJulie and I are STILL bigger than you, pig! You can't do a damn thing tous...do you want to fight...I am positive I can whip up more of that shrinkingstuff and make more tiny men!â€ Kelly challenged.
â€œAw, I'm tiny and helpless! I couldn't hurt a hair on your heads!â€ Mark smiled,a bit evil. â€œTHEY however, are pissed you broke up our party...and want to kickyour asses!â€ he giggled, as the thousands of vermin reappeared, squeaking,chirping, and growling threateningly.
Julie stood up and smiled down at Mark. â€œUm, how can we serve you?â€ she asked.
â€œI don't really have a problem with the new rules! I was just giving you shit!Put your big ol' bunions up here and let me massage em' for you!â€ he laughed.
Julie chuckled and happily placed her feet on the table, kicking the cage away.
Mark rubbed and rubbed, making her moan with pleasure. Kelly could only sit andpout...jealous over Julie's kind treatment, and wishing she'd treated Markbetter. After he was finished, Mark looked at Kelly and a question came into hismind....â€Hey Kelly, how did you know that your slime stuff makes into a greatfrozen yogurt?â€â€œEasy. I used to be 60 feet tall!!â€ she laughed!The End :)